A day had passed. 2 minutes ago, I walked past his room on the way to my own room Still, it feels almost unreal. I have to keep telling myself that it is true, because for some reason, a part of me refuses to believe the truth. And every time I have to tell myself that Ben is dead and gone forever, my heart breaks all over again and my world comes crashing down.
Yes. Ben, my lovely Ben… Benedict – He who is blessed, is dead.
The poor child has always been a weak baby. He suffered so much when he gets sick. It’s the problem with his breathing. He can’t breathe properly when he is sick with flu. Whenever he got sick, it took him so long to recover each time.
The night before he got sick, he was trying to play with me. I thought he looked so cute and lovable. I didn’t play with him for very long, though. If only… OH IF ONLY I HAD KNOWN! I would have played with him forever!!! As long as he wanted and as long as he could play with me…
I heard him crying and whining in pain during the night. I was sick with flu myself, and the medicine I took made me go to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, Ben was dead.
Gone. Forever.
I did not cry when I found out he was dead. I could not. All I could feel was a numb pain. All I could focus on was that pain caused by the thought that I will never again hear that sweet laughter or see that adorable grin. Ben will never kiss me again. Ben will never play with me again.
It was not until I went into his room to open the window - the way he liked it so that he could see the birds outside – and kissed him, and said goodbye to him, that I started to cry. And when I started to cry, I could not stop. I cried until I had no more tears left to cry…
Anna
Monday, September 22, 2008
Pain
Posted by AnnaPeacock at 8:13 AM
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12 comments:
Hello Anna .
Dont be sad.. oh my
Dead cant be alive again
Ben wont want you to be like that :D
Cheer up Ohhh right ?
You didnt cry and thats not a bad thing either.
keep your smile on your face.
Smile Smile Smile
when Ben is gone it is not the end of the world.
NOT-- THE--END--OF--THE--WORLD !
Things might change after his death.A person who is blessed with god. The person who is so innocent.
This either thing is not that wonderful too. The love you gave him will not be erased.
Cheer up alright.
This is quite shoking too .
And i hope you wont grieve over this :DD
Cheer upp ;
dont be sad be happy
Cherlyn ;
hello anna .
i know is really hard to accept the truth & face the reality .
you must learn to let go , you see . i believe Ben is living happily now . Although , Ben is gone , it might be very upset of you . but , you look at the bright side , BEN DO NOT NEED TO SUFFER ANYMORE ON EARTH . You is still young , there is going to be more ups & downs in your life . just remember to smile .
take care ,
CHIYU
Hey Anna, i'm sorry to hear that Ben died . Its good that he died , because he doesn't have to suffer anymore. You should be happy for him(: I lost someone very dear to me before. Even though i felt very bad when i lost him , i was happy he departed from th dear world cuz' he was having cancer. I know how you feel , so cheerup . life goes on Anna(: So keep on smiling(:
lots of people out there , love you(:
With lots of love ,
Dawna
ANNAAAAAAAAAA ! Hais. Don't be sad. Just like what Cherlyn said,Dead can't be alive. I know it's quite hurting. But why don't you think of Ben ? He suffers from Hydorcephalus. Maybe dying would be a form of relieve for him ? And yes,don't ever regret when someone is going to die. You should have played with Ben more. Face reality. Think it as a form of relieve for Ben okay ? Yes,as what Chi Yu said,you are still YOUNG ! Your life,there will be more ups and down. CHEER UP ! I'll be there for you whenever you needs me. Lots of people will be there for you !
*CHEERS* (!) (:
venusa ~
Anna ,
Be strong & cheer up (:
The dead cant be revive ,
What's done cant be undone .
You just have to get on with life ,
even though setbacks were made ..
Face the reality ,
You've to learn how to forget Ben .
(:
- -
Hmms ,
So now you're regretting ?
But its not totally your fault .
You didn't know what's to happen next,
You cant predict the future ..
- -
Perhaps , fate wants him to end his suffering earlier .
Being a sick child , suffering so much ..
So , his death may be good for him ,
Needless to say , he's not suffering anymore..
He's free .
- -
Yes, crying is the best way .
You should cry out all your sorrows ,
and let it flow away with your troubles in it .
Just one last thing ,
Cheer up ,
He will not be happy if he sees you in grieve .
Anna dun be sad. Although Ben is dead but eu will remember him right? Although ben is dead but he will miss eu as well.
Cheer up!
hello anna ,
dont be sad .
cheer up yeah . although , he's gone
but he would still be in
your heart right?
you did not cry because
you know that ben doesnt
want you to cry , i know that you love him alot but everyone has to face death someday , but we jsut cant predict when .
so cherish your time well (: .
stay strong :D .
cheer up .
Don't be sad after Ben death . I know you can't appect it neither do i .
Don't cry or be upset over Ben . Have you forgotten what you see after he's dead ?
Peace and calm .
Ben doesn't want you to be upset and crying over . He wants you to be happy
So , smile =)
Cheer up , there are plenty of your friends cheering you up too
Anna... Life and Death... You have to let go.The fact that Ben is dead... I know you feel the pain inside your heart... but... you have to let go.. death is all pre-determined but even that fate can be changed.... Ypu have to stop thinking that Ben's death was a bad thing and start thinking... Is this how Ben's wants to see me? Was his death chosen by him? I'm sure Ben didn't move on because he had to but because he wnated to... He wanted you, katy, your parents and everyone to stay happy and not carry the burden of having to look after him all the time or get soo worried sick when he fell ill... Perhaps thats why he wanted you to play with him the day before he died... it was probably because he wanted to see you smile and he wanted you to stay that way even after he left all of you... you have to let go and think about how free Ben is now... ok? Ben brought happiness to soo many people but he felt that taking care of him was a burden to you all. He took his life so as to make sure that no one suffers anymore...so let go.. Ben's in a better place now.. and knowing that you still cannot get over his death... i don't think that is what Ben wants... he wants you to be happy.. so give him what he wants.. this way, he can rest asure that you have let go of all the pain and suffering within and can now rest in peace...
Hello Anna , i know it is difficult to accept the fact that someone you love and close to you died , well you still have to accept the fact that Ben is dead . he is DEAD and that's a fact. You know every one has to die , it's just a matter of time . Try to get over it , continue with your life . I am sure Ben doesn't want to see you sad in his funeral .
Cheer Up ! :D
& of course
TAKE CARE !.
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